“Social networking” is a term my wife says I use too much. But for me it’s what business and life is all about: communicating with each other. And when you stop and think about it, how effective are your customer service, teamwork or networking skills if you communicate like an “android,” (think Star Wars robotic dialogue), by leaving out the social element of “talking.”
Too many people hear “social networking” and immediately think of Twitter, Instant Messaging, email, and online sites such as Facebook, Plaxo, LinkedIn, myspace and probably dozens more I haven’t heard of. Except that’s not what I’m referring to when I “talk” about social networking.
What I’m referring to is the social networking that happens face to face or even by phone when personally interacting with clients, co-workers and students. The person sitting next to you at work, standing in line for your business, interested in your sales pitch, or waiting for your educated words of wisdom expects – and deserves – more than a text message or greeting written on his Facebook wall.
Deliver your message verbally – actually put the words together and say them – and your communications can turn into connections. And we all know connections lead to better teamwork, improved networking, increased sales, and effective customer service. It’s an age-old theory and nothing I’ve made up. But sometimes we all need a reminder about how a personal touch can make a difference.
In my Public Speaking course, I “talk” about how to deliver your message in a way it’s not only heard, but listened to and remembered. And if you’ve been following my communication tips in these articles, I listed three guaranteed ways to do this. Here’s a reminder:
The problem many of us have as communicators can be compared to the same reason why television commercials usually last twenty seconds or less. Audiences have a short attention span. Go ahead – blame it on technology. I do. People today are used to getting information fast.
Now, I could suggest going back to my August newsletter, but to save time and not tax both our attention spans, I’ll repeat three solid tips. If you want to keep someone’s attention for longer than twenty seconds…
- Keep them interested
- Entertain them
- Humor them
Sorry for the repeated information, but at least we’re on the same page. And speaking of pages, here’s one from my Presentation Skills Workbook on how to achieve the first goal, keeping your listener interested, through verbal “social networking” communication:
Commit To The Message:
Here’s a secret shared by both professional speakers and professional actors. If a listener thinks you’re not being honest with him, you’ll lose his respect and attention. The first step in communicating your message is to believe in what you are talking about. Truly be committed to what you are saying. In other words, cut the fat from your true message, (the information you really want to convey), and deliver it with conviction.
Yes, yes, I know… this advice alone could make a conversation really boring. But remember – I’m also a humor coach and will “talk” in future articles about communication enhancements using humor and creativity. Combine those tips with “committing to your message” and you’ll be a lethal communicator with a “license to talk,” (sorry, too many James Bond movies). But for right now we’re still competing with technology and your clients, co-workers and students don’t want to sift through a lot of adjectives to hear what you have to say.
Make The Message Interesting:
Know your message is important, which is why you are delivering it. If you are or appear to be sharing information that will benefit your listener, he will listen. Your message will be remembered if your client, co-worker or students perceive it as:
- New
- Different
- Personally Beneficial
Now, since I also practice what I preach, I’ll stop here. The workbook for my training seminar is forty six pages long and I’m sure both of us don’t have the attention span to review all the highlights in this one article. Besides, it took longer than twenty seconds for you to read this. Without any humorous or creative enhancements, I ran the risk of sounding like a Twitter, Instant Messaging, email, and online social networking android – and that’s no way to build a connection.
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Dave Schwensen is a consultant, instructor, coach and author in communications and presentation skills. Topics include customer service, team-building and networking. For more information and to schedule, visit www.TalkingForSuccess.com
Copyright 2010 – North Shore Publishing
How do YOU make a memorable first impression?
I’m not talking about a firm handshake and a toothy smile followed by, “Nice weather we’re having, yadda-yadda-yadda.” I mean laying the groundwork for serious future networking, teambuilding and career opportunities.
What do you say that makes you the “go to person” or sets you apart from the competition? If you don’t know, then it’s time to stop thinking about the weather and come up with a winning game plan.
Participants in my recent training seminars are focused more than ever on making memorable impressions. Most are employed and working in customer service or involved with in-house training, while others are polishing resumes and job-winning communication skills. In this economy, the goal is to be the “go to person” and rise above the competition.
One method you should consider is using a “hook” to open both verbal and written communications. The idea is similar to the marketing and delivery techniques I share in my workshops when coaching speakers and performers. Personality counts and if you have one, (I know you do!), then there’s no reason why you can’t use it for your benefit.
What is a “hook?”
Imagine you’re fishing with an invisible rod and reel. You cast out the line and your “hook” catches attention and interest in what you will say next. Examples of million dollar hooks include, “Welcome home,” (Disney), and “You might be a redneck if…” (Jeff Foxworthy). Of course these hooks wouldn’t necessarily work in your profession, but they are attention getters and memorable enough to be called famous.
How do you create a hook?
It’s very simple. Who are you and what do you want people to know about you? I’ll give you a hint about what I use and why, but first here’s an example sent in by one of my students, who is also president of a Toastmasters club based in a large medical facility in a large city. She gives two examples – one simple and one a bit(e) extreme that was used on The King of Rock’n Roll…
Following an article I wrote on the value of using a hook in verbal communication, I received an email from Dahmia, which is a name that immediately attracts your attention. How many Dahmia’s do you know? That’s not important, but it is Hawaiian and her introductory “hook” takes advantage of what makes her unique from others in a northern climate. Here’s what she sent me:
“We were just today talking about how I always start any conversation or even a passing in the hallway with ‘Aloha’ and you’re right – it usually gets a positive reaction and a smile. Depending on the circumstances a whole conversation can ensue of when they went to Hawaii or always wanted to go, etc. There’s always some reaction and that’s what we want. I hope it’s a favorable reaction but either way they don’t ignore me.”
That was the simple example. Now for the other extreme – and keep in mind that was not a typo above when I dropped the hint bit(e)!
“I recall a guy talking about meeting Elvis. He was an up and coming singer at the time so to meet Elvis, who was an icon, was very exciting. What he did though was drop down on the floor – grabbed Elvis’ leg and bit him on the ankle. Needless to say Elvis was taken aback and shouted, ‘What’s wrong with you man?’ To which the less known singer said, ‘Well, if I had just shook your hand that would be it. But now you’ll remember me.’ Elvis had to laugh as it was certainly true and this story has survived for 40 years.”
Dahmia’s described both a laid-back, (“Aloha”), and over-the-top, (bite Elvis’ leg!?), example of using a hook to make a memorable first impression. I know either one would stick in your memory longer than a hand shake and, “Nice weather we’re having…” opening line.
Personality makes the best hook:
So – do you have an “Aloha” or something unique about yourself to open a conversation? It doesn’t have to be exotic. Fun and memorable will work just fine. Who are you and what do you do? If you can work it into your opening line, people will be more interested in hearing what you say next.
As for my hook, well… I’m a Gemini and the stars allow me to have two. One is on my voice mail if you’d like to call, (sorry, but you’ll have to go back to the newsletter for the toll-free number!). But here’s a warning: be prepared to make me laugh.
The second hook relies on my location and one of my programs. Here’s a clue – I’m based in Cleveland and my third book has the city’s name in its title. If you send an email to Dave@DavePresents.com with a number and time to call you, it’ll be my opening, (first impression), line when you answer your phone. Aloha for now!
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Dave Schwensen is a consultant, instructor, coach and author in communications and presentation skills. Topics include customer service, team-building and networking. For more information and to schedule, visit www.TalkingForSuccess.com.
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Copyright 2010 – North Shore Publishing
Times have changed. People used to read newspapers – now there’s CNN. Sports fans waited for late night news to get scores – now they tune into Sports Center and ESPN. Movie fans would watch an entire film as it slowly set the scene for an explosive ending – now car chases and gun battles start before the opening credits and never let up. Jokes used to involve long stories with punch lines at the end – now today’s popular comedians deliver one-liners at a rapid fire pace.
Using the joke-telling business for another example, one of the most successful shows on the Comedy Central television network featured a variety of comedians delivering only the punch lines about specific topics. This show was called Short Attention Span Theater and defines the viewing and listening habits of modern day society.
People today are used to getting information fast. Since you are someone who regularly deals with the public, co-workers or students, your competition when attempting to deliver information, build teamwork and be successful at networking is technology.
To repeat what I said earlier - times have changed. What was considered science fiction for most of the last century is now everyday communication reality. And what we rely on today will be… well, as they say, here today and gone tomorrow:
Already Out-Dated:
- Radio
- Telephone
- Television
- Fax
- Pony Express
Out-Dated Tomorrow:
- Internet / Facebook / myspace
- Cell Phones
- Text Messaging
- Instant Messenger
There is a reason why commercials last usually 20 seconds or less. Listeners have developed a short attention span. They want information now or they’ll search somewhere else for it. As Bruce Springsteen once sang about his shrinking attention span while surfing through the stations on his cable TV:
- “There was fify-seven channels and nothin’ on.”
How do you hold someone’s attention if you’re talking for longer than 20 seconds? Keep in mind your competition is technology and if you can’t compete, no one will bother to listen. Worse yet, they might listen to someone else and remember them – and their message – instead of you.
I’ve developed university courses in communications and presentation skills that utilize three important conversational techniques that will keep your listeners focused on what you’ll say next. And of course, that would be the message you actually want them to hear:
- Keep them interested
- Entertain them
- Humor them
Sound simple? It can be - once you learn the proper techniques. After all, I’m not training people to be stand-up comedians. I’m training business people and eductors who want to stand above the competition by using effective and productive verbal communication skills. And sometimes you only have 20 seconds or less to make an impression. Are you prepared?
When you work in customer service, education / training, or as an administrator / supervisor, you are expected to be informative and have solutions. But whether your clients, students or co-workers have the attention span to hear, listen to and remember your message depends on how you deliver it.
What you say and how you say it matters more now than ever before. Personality counts – and if you have one, (and I’m sure you do!), it’s time to use it for your advantage. Contact me and I’ll show you how.
Dave Schwensen is an author, consultant, coach, trainer and keynote speaker in communications and presentation skills. For information and to schedule Dave for your next event, visit www.TalkingForSuccess.com
Copyright 2010 – North Shore Publishing
Are you a fan of the television show Seinfeld? It was one of the great all-time sitcoms that will live on in reruns our grandchildren will watch. If you don’t believe me, just think of how many generations still watch I Love Lucy, which was the top sitcom from the 1950′s. If you communicate in a way that is entertaining, an audience will listen for as long as you want to talk.
How long do your clients or co-workers listen to you? Do you hold their attention long enough so they actually listen to what you want them to hear? I hope so, because verbal communication is still the key for successful customer service, teamwork and networking.
In the communications class I taught this week at Youngstown State University, I gave the students an assignment. I asked them to list a few things that actually happened during their drive to school, followed by how each experience made them feel – using only positive terms. Then I asked each to tell us about their drive to school combining the facts and feelings. The results were creative and entertaining stories that held our attention since driving to school was something we all had in common.
In other words, we could relate, which is how you attract and hold a listener’s attention long enough for them to hear what you really want to say. It’s a technique that breaks the ice and makes a memorable impression. And once you do that, you’re on the drive toward better and more productive professional relationships.
Does it sound too easy? It is. The secret is to take a positive outlook on a common event, tap into your personal creativity, (we all have feelings, thoughts and observations), and turn it into a conversational tool. I learned this from the pros, which takes us back to Seinfeld.
When I was Talent Coordinator for The Improv Comedy Club in New York City, I worked with the sitcom’s creators and many of the writers. And it wasn’t just at our club in the Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood, but also with our softball team that competed in the Performing Arts League in Central Park. Since we were sponsored by The Improv, our team was made up of comedians and comedy writers. One teammate was Ray Romano, who went on to star in Everybody Loves Raymond, but this story involves our first baseman, Larry David. Along with Jerry Seinfeld, Larry created Seinfeld and his own show on HBO, Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Fortunately, we won more games than we lost and made the playoffs, which was our first goal of the season. Our second was to win the playoffs and be champions of the league.
Unfortunately, on the day of our first playoff game, many of the best players, (who were also good comedians), were performing outside of New York City. That meant some of us who were more comfortable sitting on the bench watching would have to play in the field. And others, who were used to a regular position, had to play somewhere else. I was pried from the bench to play second base and our first basement, Larry David, was moved to shortstop.
Baseball fans knows shortstop is the most demanding defensive position. The best shortstops are usually smaller and quicker than the other players. It was not the best place for a tall, lanky first baseman and there were a number of balls hit between Larry and myself that added up to more runs for the other team. To put it gently, we lost and were elminated from the playoffs after one game.
It was not a positive moment since we now had the unwanted task of telling our returning teammates that our season was over. I also remember standing near our bench when Larry threw down his glove and said something to the effect of, “I’m never playing this stupid game again.”
Fast forward a few years…
Seinfeld was the number one show on television. One night I tuned in and saw the character George Costanza, (based on the real life Larry David), running down the first base line during a softball game in Central Park wearing an “Improv” t-shirt. My first thought was, “That’s my team!”
After a losing effort, George threw down his glove and said something to the effect of, “I’m never playing this stupid game again.” Can you guess my second thought? “I played in that game!”
The lesson behind this long dissertation was that Larry had taken a moment that wasn’t very positive at the time, creatively found the humor and made it entertaining. It was a one way conversation with the viewing audience and all he did was tell the truth with creative license. Anyone who had ever played or watched a softball game, or even experienced the “agony of defeat,” (a quote borrowed from another show), could relate.
This and other episodes of Seinfeld based in real experiences held the audiences’ attention for nine seasons and still continue today in reruns. Talk about making a memorable impression!
The bottom line is not always WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. And the best part is you don’t have to be a comedian to grab your listener’s attention. Find out what you have in common, take a positive outlook and enhance it with a little personal creativity and humor. It’s a great way to open a conversation and build a relationship with someone you want to do business with.
Go ahead and give it a try. Tell the person next to you about your drive to work today. Use the facts, be creative, stay positive and tell it in a way you think will make them smile or laugh. Chances are you’ll strike up a conversation – and you never know what doors that may open.
For more information about Dave Schwensen’s training seminars and keynote presentations, visit www.TalkingForSuccess.com
Copyright 2010 – North Shore Publishing
I thought that title would grab your attention. So… what is the secret to GREAT customer service, PRODUCTIVE teamwork and SUCCESSFUL networking?
Have a conversation!
A study released in the March 2010 issue of the journal Psychological Science found meaningful conversations, (actual talking between people!), increased productivity and the “happiness factor” – which is a guaranteed way to improve sales and customer satisfaction.
Psychologists at the University of Arizona in Tucson and Washington University in St. Louis have finally discovered what I’ve been talking about for years: Small talk doesn’t cut it. What’s really important for a productive and happy workplace or classroom are meaningful conversations.
Here’s what researchers did to learn about the importance of strong conversational skills. They had volunteers complete personality and well-being assessments. Then over the next four days the volunteers wore recording devices that recorded 30 seconds of sound every 12 minutes. After sifting through 20,000 recordings, the researchers put the conversations into two groups: trivial or substantial.
They concluded that the most productive and satisfied, (there’s the “happiness factor” again), participants spent 25% less time alone and dealing with trival conversations – and 70% more time having substantive conversations. Researchers suggest meaningful conversations breed stronger interactions.
So let me ask you a few questions:
- Do you want to increase sales?
- Do you want to improve customer service?
- Do you want to build your client base by networking?
- Do you want to increase productivity through teambuilding?
This is only a guess, but I would say you answered “YES” to all of the above questions. And the answer – the secret – is to have a conversation that your listener will relate to.
In my programs and training seminars, (www.TalkingForSuccess), I involve the audience. We have conversations, (audience participation), that are fun, entertaining and memorable. Broken down into 5 Simple Steps, participants will take these lessons in “how to have a productive and separate-yourself-from-the-competition” communication skills to work and home with them.
The benefits? For one, you and members of your team or staff will know how to verbally break the ice and make a memorable first impression. And these same members, (of course I’m not about to describe you – am I?), won’t rock back on their heels nervously hoping someone answers their best sales pitch line: “Nice weather we’re having, isn’t it?”
You can imagine, or maybe you’ve experienced, the uncomfortable silence that normally follows that creative ice-breaking statement. You can do better than that – right? Sure you can, especially with my help! So let’s throw that boring option out and concentrate on what works!
My goal as a communications trainer is NOT to change your message, but to enhance the way it is delivered. Even the psychologists agree with me: Small talk doesn’t cut it.
There’s a method and a formula – and I’ll share it with you. The secret is that it involves personal creativity and politically correct good humor. Employ both those enhancements and your conversations will not only be heard – but also listened to and remembered.
For more information about Dave Schwensen’s training seminars, visit www.TalkingForSuccess.com
Copyright 2010 – North Shore Publishing
A study released in late April 2010 by researchers at Pew Research Center an the University of Michigan states:
“Teenagers have embraced text messaging as their main form of communication… The frequency with which teens text has overtaken every other form of interaction including instant messaging and talking face-to-face.”
That last comment grabbed my attention since it pretty much says face-to-face conversation is an outdated practice. Everything important can be said in plain text with abbreviations, CAPS and symbols – correct? 
Not in my world. And I doubt you, your co-workers or clients will agree with the above statement. It’s important to understand and use technology, but anyone in business, sales, customer service and education – who will be conversing with the subjects of this study in the near future – understands it takes more than technology to be successful.
The key to success is separating yourself from your competition. And if everyone is texting – how can YOU do that?
The answer is still personal conversations – delivering your message, whether in person, through video conference or by phone, in a way it is listened to and remembered. Personality still counts and will never be outdated. If you don’t take advantage of yours during important presentations, meetings or as part of a team, you’ll never stand out from the competition.
Face-to-face conversations give you the edge over cutting edge technology. Here are just some of the benefits:
- Break the ice
- Make a memorable first impression
- Hold listeners attention
- Deliver a message that is remembered
The goal is not to change your message, but to enhance the way it is delivered. Go ahead and let the competition text and hope makes a difference. Personality-driven conversations will help you separate from the crowd, which is a key to success.
For more about Dave’s training seminars, workshops and keynote presentations, visit www.DavePresents.com
Copyright 2010 – North Shore Publishing
I did a seminar last week for a group of high school seniors. I was told they were not necessarily underachievers, but had no firm plans after graduation. Some had thought about college or a job, but most seemed only interested in hanging around waiting for something to happen. The common thread was a strong case of “Senioritis” and a short attention span for remaining school requirements.
The sponsor also told me previous speakers had used the standard “follow your dreams” advice and ended up with a group of bored students. They had heard that message since preschool days of watching Barney and he was concerned it didn’t say enough about what they would encounter in the “real world.”
Not everyone is going to win American Idol or be chosen to run the Trump Empire. My job was to keep each student interested and involved in the program, while also leaving with practical “real world” advice.
Lucky for me, the program was in the school’s library and I opened with an effective “follow your dreams” message by pulling two of my books from the shelves. Then I asked about their personal interests and how they might be used to set career goals.
But the true lesson, (and the reason why I was there), was to show how to take advantage of talent they already possess to make these goals, (dreams), come true. The “real world” is competitive and to stand out from the crowd you must know how to network, build relationships and work productively as a team.
The talent these students already possess? They know how to have conversations and have been practicing this skill since they were old enough to watch Barney.
I use a practiced five step program based on talents we already possess to make conversations memorable and productive. With the students I concentrated on step three, which in this case was to find something from that morning they had in common. Since no one had spent the previous night at school, (they’d rather sleep in class!), their shared experience was the morning commute.
But each had unique thoughts, observations and separate experiences within the “common experience.” We then did a group participation game using these personal enhancements to create ice-breaking conversations – which is much more effective and memorable than just saying “hello” and hoping the other person has something to talk about.
The students enjoyed it, (even the usually quiet ones, according to the sponsor), left with practical “real world” advice – and no one slept through this class!
Step Three: Relationships are built when people relate to each other.
Copyright 2010 North Shore Publishing
I don’t admit to knowing everything – unless I’m talked into a corner and the person who steered me into that awkward position wants facts:
“Just because I know,” is a standard answer. Obviously I consider it to be a pretty good one, because I’ve been using it since I was four years old.
This reply doesn’t work too well in our house, especially with my wife. I still won’t admit to knowing everything, but I’ve occasionally claimed to know a little bit about everything. The kids might buy it if I use big words and talk convincingly, but my wife refuses to go along. When I corner her about how she can be so sure I’m not an undiscovered genius, she has a standard answer to back up her superior intelligence:
“Just because I know.”
For a guy, that answer would be enough. For a woman, it’s only a beginning.
Earlier this week I received an email from my wife. I won’t discuss how the Internet has changed ways the world communicates, but this method didn’t allow me to give her my standard answer. It’s just as well though, because it doesn’t work anymore.
This forwarded message from her friend Sharon carried the title, “You think you know everything?” I certainly don’t, but maybe you do…
* Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
* Men can read smaller print; women can hear better.
* Coca-Cola was originally green.
* It’s impossible to lick your elbow.
* The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska.
* The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28 percent.
* The average number of people airborne over the U.S. at any hour: 61,000
* Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
* The world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
* The youngest Pope was 11 years old.
* The first novel ever written on a typewriter: “Tom Sawyer.”
* San Francisco cable cars are the only mobile national monuments.
* Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades – King David; Hearts – Charlemagne; Clubs – Alexander The Great; Diamonds – Julius Caesar.
* 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
* If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
* Only two people signed The Declaration Of Independence on July 4th – John Hancock and Charles Thompson. Most of the others signed on August 2nd, but the last signature wasn’t added until five years later.
* Hershey’s Kisses were named because the machine that makes them looks like it’s kissing the conveyor belt.
* Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.
* Most boat owners name their boats. The popular name requested? Obsession.
* If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until finding the letter “A”? One thousand.
* What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common? They were all invented by women.
* What is the only food that doesn’t spoil? Honey.
* There are more collect calls on Father’s Day than any other day of the year.
* What trivia fact about Mel Blanc, (voice of Bugs Bunny), is the most ironic? He was allergic to carrots.
* What is an activity performed by 40 percent of all people at a party? Snoop in your medicine cabinet.
* It was the practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month we know today as the honeymoon.
* In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden – and the word “golf” entered into the English language.
And finally…
* At least 75 percent of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
From the weekly column “Something To Laugh About”
Copyright 2010 North Shore Publishing
